the id, the ego, & the single misfiring brain cell

Don't worry. I have very warm feet.

I was just reading Eva's comments on my announcement post, and my response became a ramble, so here it is in all its glory.

I've long believed that, even while people tell the bride "This is your day!"--it really isn't. Couples go through all that mess for the families, in the end. Well. Most of that mess, anyway.

A bit of it is because we have a notion of "our wedding" as something that must be perfect in every way. This is, we've been told, The Most Wonderful Day Of Our Life, etc. Of course, as soon as we overload it with perfection requirements, it becomes The Most Stressful Day Of Our Life--only, commemorated with flawless photography.

We have other reasons for going through all that hassle, too. Some people just want a terrific blowout. My Marine's wedding was like this (although it clearly required a great deal of work and, I expect, stress). Those people who are into big celebrations can have at it, and I might even show up occasionally.

Another reason we do it is because we have poorly-examined superstitious notions that if we don't do it the traditional way, it won't work. I don't have this problem, obviously, but I've certainly encountered it here and there.

And let's not forget the loot a good wedding can rake in. Heavens, yes.

But mostly, the family--and by "family," I mean the women, almost exclusively--want to see it done "right."

Women lose their everlovin' minds over weddings. This baffles me, and always has. My cousin Becky has a photo from her wedding where I'm visible on the side as she walks up the aisle (or at some point in the ceremony). I'm--I don't know--maybe 13 in the picture? I have my head propped on my hand, and I look for all the world like I'd rather be elsewhere. People who look at that photo say, "Wow. Could you be any less thrilled?"

No, probably not. It was a nice wedding. I've just never understood the thrill of weddings.* They've been a mystery to me most of my life. When I was a kid, I knew weddings were necessary (even though the bible has very little, in fact, to say about them). I just didn't have any notion how or why they were necessary. I knew married people had babies, and I assumed that the agreement to live together let them have children, although I didn't understand how or why. After I learned about sex, I understood the point of weddings a bit more, but I still didn't see them as The Big Whoop everybody else** seemed to think they were.

* And I really don't get why women cry at them.

** Again, women.

I never had plans to get married, even when I was a child and knew that it was expected. Marriage simply wasn't part of my world.

Then what changed? I can't say for sure. I know only that I am married now in every way except the legal one. I am more married already than most people ever get, judging from statistics and a lifetime of watching people around me. I'm utterly committed to spending the rest of my life with Mich and want everything possible to reflect that commitment.

Anyway, back to the pomp of weddings themselves....

Rule Number One for my wedding is this: little or no stress. It will be fun for us.

Coming up with my own vows (which I want to do, incidentally) and getting all gussied up is enough stress for me without me thinking about who to invite, and which people of those who say "we're so excited we'll be there we can't wait" would actually show up, then how to seat people to make sure no one has to share dinner conversation with a mortal enemy, what sorts of festivities to provide, etc. I get hives just thinking about it, and since this is "my day," I ain't doin' it.

Our day, I mean. We ain't doin' it.

Although I can't count a whole lot of them, this is one of the times it's quite nice to be estranged from our families (immediate, anyways). Mich's immediate family requires that no one even mention her name in their presence (this is not an exaggeration), so I judge we needn't bother with sending them invitations.* My family and I get along decently these days, provided we don't bring religion, politics, or my lesbianism into the conversation.** Of course, in their opinion, "gay marriage" isn't. Simple as that. (And that's fine. I have a similar opinion regarding "Christian love.")

* Good god. There's another major headache we can ignore.

** This means that after we chat about the weather and discuss everybody's health issues, we have dead air until someone remembers something he needs to do, like go to bed.

So...lucky us! We don't have to mess with the planning and the pomp and the godawful expense and stress.

Many or our friends and family have known for the last year or more that Mich and I have been planning to be married, and they sincerely wanted to be there, even if it meant buying tickets to Canada.

To them: We appreciate your sincere happiness and support. However, we got stressed just thinking about it so we decided to sneak away, do the deed, and beg forgiveness later. Please forgive us at some point.

Mich has purchased a dress she looks just stunning in. I will wear my mess dress. We'll fly into Victoria on the 28th, purchase the marriage license, then retire to the hotel where we'll probably spoil ourselves rotten and make sure all is ready for the big day. (We were just going to get a "fireside" room, but Mich opted in the end for the honeymoon suite, as it has a huge jetted tub.) On the 29th, we'll rise when we feel like it, get brunch, pretty ourselves up, and go to the library where Mr. Hooey will officiate, sign the paperwork, and wish us a happy life. Then I plan to go to the nicest restaurant the town has to offer, since we'll be all gussied up and everything. We'll fly back home on the 1st.

On the 3rd, I'll fly back to Turkey, and thus begin our married life together apart, but that's okay, too. The apart part is only temporary.

Oh yeah. Apparently, we have to hire a photographer. Hm....

d