it's time to make an honest woman of her
By diana on Feb 2, 2012 | In capricious bloviations
Lots has been going on, as you can see. And I haven't been telling much of anyone anything, so...y'all don't have to feel left out, although you know that you--my special, gifted, and beautiful readers--usually get to know about the nitty gritty stuff of my life from one moment to the next in a way that even Facebook diehards would envy. Be concerned no longer! I am back and ready to spill more beans, in a way that only I and anyone else with half a brain and a keyboard and beans to spill is capable.
Yep. You read that right. I'm getting married. Well...we. This is, traditionally, one of those things you can't really do alone.
So we were planning to do the dirty deed on the 15th of April, which marks ten years together for us. I was going to take leave for the entire month of April and we were going to...go somewhere and get hitched, although we hadn't worked out the details just yet.
As it turns out, if I took April as leave, it would be my last chance to take leave before I move back home, so I moved my leave forward a bit. I'm jonesing for everything that is home. The discussion of the wedding was dropped for a while until I resurrected it a couple of days ago.
I suggested that Leap Day would be a cool day to get married, and Mich liked the idea very much. We discussed perhaps just shooting over to the nearest state that would respect our rights (Iowa), but decided that right now, marriages done in any given state can (apparently) just be whisked away if enough conservative voters are again distracted from real problems like unemployment and deficits and chronic war whenever some pretty person reminds them that gay people want to get married, which obviously is more of a concern than massive oil spills and third world famines or the erosion of the middle class. So we agreed unanimously* upon Canada.
* When there are only two people involved in a discussion, agreements tend to be unanimous, I know. But I just liked the way it sounded.
"Canada" didn't really narrow it down, though. It's kinda a big place.
This is when Mich started looking up "wedding packages," or whatever they call them. The ones that were priced--except for the one she labeled "here's the really cheap one," which I took as a hint to not seriously consider it--started at just under $2000 Canadian.* That fee doesn't include airfare, naturally.
* Which means it's a little more than that in American dollars, y'all. I remember fondly when the Canadian dollar was worth about 60 cents on the American dollar. Nice economy we got here.
Wedding packages include stuff like a bottle of champagne, wedding cakes, and...all kinds of stuff we don't want or need. The more I looked at these packages, the cheaper I got.
If you want to look at it like that, which I don't. I prefer to think of it as "thrifty." I don't want a big ceremony with strangers, and I don't want people to drop what they're doing and fly up there because then I'll feel like we need to entertain them and provide in some way. And I don't want a celebration of any sort with strangers, either. The whole idea is hokey to me. I just want to exchange vows, get the legal part done, and have a nice getaway then come home.
I discussed this with Mich--the fact that I don't want all the extras that are designed for at least small gatherings--and she agreed. She called the one place I thought looked pretty nice (it's in Victoria, BC), and asked them if they could just get a marriage commissioner out there on the 29th to get us hitched, and they said sure. The whole package (with a really snazzy room, complete with fireplace) will run about $700 Canadian. I figure we can take the rest of the wad--the money we don't waste on the frills--and go eat at a ridiculously expensive restaurant, or buy something nice, or...something like that.
It has been decided that I will wear my mess dress. I have planned to wear it for this occasion for years now, but it will require the effort of hauling it home (then to Canada and back) in a plane, but I'm sure I will survive. Mich is using this as an opportunity to go dress shopping. Of course.
We have been appointed a marriage commissioner, and he has contacted us to provide information and let us start ironing out details. His name is Hooey. Iain Hooey. He looks and reads like a nice bloke, but what sort of name is Hooey?
That name is going on our marriage license.
As it turns out, the place I selected (pretty randomly, by the way, based on the skill of their room and grounds photographer during a beautiful spring day that we won't be able to see through the rain when we get there) is in a province where weddings are pretty simple and straightforward. There are no waiting periods or investigations or blood tests (I'm not sure what purpose this might serve with a gay couple, anyway, but equal rights and all) or any such thing. We fly in, buy a certificate for $100 (it's a racket, I tells ya), relax in a two-person jetted tub, wait for the appointed marriage commissioner to arrive, meet him in the library* at 1400 hrs, and we say our vows. Then it's done.
* It was Professor Plum with a pipe wrench...
There are just a few things to work out first.
We need to come up with vows. I like the idea of having personal vows, but I balk at the idea of actually writing them. This is because I am a writer, I think. A very lazy one.
We've already got the wedding bands. We've been wearing them for quite some time as though we were (gasp) already married. Maybe I'll take a toothbrush* to mine before the ceremony, just to make it sparkle.
* hers
Anyhow...that's all the news that's fit to print at the moment, because I worked all day and my back hurts and I'm tired.
Y'all be good.
d
6 comments
Exciting news. Congratulations on the 10 years together!
Diana,
All right, score one for our side! (Sorry, it just seems like “congratulations” is more appropriate after the deed is done.)
Getting married in Canada is a wonderful idea. They have their moments of crazy like we Americans do, but not nearly as often as far as I can tell. Maybe it’s because their population is about the same as Ohio’s. Whatever, they’re good people and level-headed. They’ll treat you right.
Victoria says snow skiing to me. If you kids get bored I’m sure you can find a slope or two to tackle.
A hundred bucks for a marriage certificate? You’re right, that is a racket. I paid $8 for mine back in the day. (But people don’t travel internationally to get married in Athens County, so that BC certificate is probably more in demand. Ain’t capitalism grand?)
Joking aside, I’m very happy for both of you. I know you’ve already made the commitment in your minds and hearts, but it’s nice to dot that final I and cross that final T.
Dave
Exciting news!! I wish you both the best!
I found great stuff for our vows on indiebride.com - lots of alternative readings and ideas, or at least there used to be.
- Becca “notsomuchafraid”
Congratulations, to both of you! Glad to know the date; wish I could be there! Love you both!
Good for you!
This sounds like the way I want to do it everytime our wedding preparations gets too complicated. We’re going for the whole packaged with lots of family and friends. Both because Kristin wants it and because we’d hear about it forever if failed to have a big party. We’re also going for matching dresses (color, not shape, we have really different body shapes). I feel slightly panicky just writing about it, and it’s not until September. The wedding bands are on though, over here they come with the formal engagement, and I love wearing mine.
And, yes, it’s nice to live in a country were we can get legally married without any fuss. I keep my fingers crossed and hope that the US will get its act together soon.
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