figmo
By diana on May 29, 2015 | In capricious bloviations
myPers - Total Force Service Center <[email protected]>
10:37 AM (1 hour ago)
MAJ PHYLIS BLACK,
Congratulations on your approved retirement effective 05/01/2016....
[Please immediately do all the following shit.....]
Good luck in your retirement and thank you for your service to our nation.
I enjoyed the Air Force enough to miss it when I first left active duty in 1990. When I applied for Officer Training School in 2000, I had decided I would serve at least 20 years active duty, and if I was still having fun*, I would serve longer. Until very recently, I saw no reason to submit my retirement request. I enjoyed my career (and I love teaching), loved where I work and the people I work with, and fully intended to continue doing that job as long as Mama Air Force would allow me to.
* My way of saying: “If I still loved what I did and looked forward to going to work in the morning,” but with the understanding that all careers have their knocks and bruises which must be taken in stride.
That changed two weeks ago. All I will say at this time is that my “leadership” strongly implied that they're just waiting for me to fuck up again. When you pour all of your time and energy and passion into what you do, as I do, a single remark from the right person can destroy you. I've had a string of unpleasant realizations in the last six months, but two weeks ago, when I was advised that “this is just another data point” against me, I realized that this was my point of no return. It was and is emotionally devastating and I cannot seem to recover. Thus, my decision to retire—hopefully while I still have some dignity left (although it is probably too late for that).
I currently do not plan a retirement ceremony, but I may be talked out of that. Right now, though, I'm focusing on the possibilities that lie in my future, and....
I haven't felt this kind of hope since I was 18. Well...even at 18, I had no education or experience or training, no resume, no assets. I had no idea what I wanted other than freedom and self-discovery.
I still want those things, actually. Rather, I want them again. A career has a way of slowly usurping your life and identity over time until you don't know who you are anymore.
But now, I have education and training and experience and a boatload of skills. I have self-confidence and self-possession that I didn't back then, and I think enough of myself to negotiate and not settle for less than what I'm worth—should I choose to seek a job.
I won't have to, though. We've planned our lives and finances for many years so that we can live comfortably on my retirement pay. We both like to have purpose, though, so I'll be doing something worthwhile and fulfilling before long. :)
I'm excited about the little things, too. For example, I won't ever have to provide bullets for or write another military performance report. I only have one more physical fitness test to endure (I hate them; we all do). I only have one more semester to teach, and I plan to make it an awesome one. I look forward to my stress levels and anxiety and panic attacks reducing if not ending altogether (?) once my terminal leave begins (sometime in February). I'll have more time for art and music and beauty. Photography. Calligraphy. Traveling. Playing my guitar badly. Love. Friends. And perhaps even improving my chess game from “abysmal” to “beginner.” :)
I'll have the time to read what I want and write what I want when I want. I can do absolutely nothing all day long and half the night if the spirit moves me.
I can become addicted to awesome television series and marathon watch them. Cut or wear my hair any way I like (provided Michelle approves—I still have a boss). Dress like the hippie I am. Never have to remove my jewelry. Not feel like a slacker when my body is broken again due to some ancient injury and my colleagues have to cover for me; I'll be able to stay in bed and/or home with my heating pad.
I have wonderful friends, a wonderful home, a wonderful life, and a wonderful wife.
Sky's the limit.
Until next time, y'all be excellent to one another.
d
4 comments
GOOD FOR YOU!!! Will that mean you can finally come to reunion on a fairly often basis??? (Of course, that includes Michelle, too – she IS FAMILY!!!)
Diana,
It’s nice to know you’re appreciated, isn’t it? (grin)
I doubt anybody can truthfully say you haven’t given Uncle Sam his due. You’re partially right about careers; they can draw you in and shape you in their own image. But often the opposite happens: they fail to accommodate the natural changes in one’s personality that come with age, experience, and wisdom. Maybe you were once the square peg to the Air Force’s square hole, or maybe whatever your shape there was enough clearance to fit until now. Whatever. You’ve decided it’s time to move on, and that takes courage. More so than buckling down, working harder to fit in, and being miserable with fear until TPTB finally discard you anyway.
I can’t see you sitting still for that. You’ve got options and I know you’re not afraid to use them. I’m curious to see where you end up.
Dave
Been a persona non-gratis a few times during my AF career. Some of it was self-inflicted; at other times, ppl just seemed to have it out for me. You can’t please everyone always, and sometimes those ppl will be your leaders. Although it ain’t easy being the “whipping boy,” just do your best, keep your head down, and hold onto the bright future you’ve created for yourself.
Thanks, Peachy. 130 days, 11 hours, and 48 minutes until I’m effectively retired.
:)
When I wrote this post, I hadn’t done the math properly. Turns out, my last duty day should be 22 January 2016. Let’s hear it for working hard and never taking leave, huh?
Meanwhile, I’ve been spending a lot of time with various doctors trying to get some problems troubleshot (AND in my records, thank you), but my classes are going well and TPTB are mostly leaving me alone.
d
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