a funny thing happened on the way to the education office
By diana on Mar 24, 2011 | In talking türkiye
i was just inprocessing, people
Calm yourselves. It's a required stop.
The education office is here to meet my civilian and military education needs, so I popped in to get their initials on my infernal in-processing checklist. Each time I pass one of their signs advertising the start of a new semester, I get a little thrill, similar to schadenfreude. When I hear the enlisted folk who have been struggling for years to finish their bachelor's or Community College of the Air Force associate's degrees discussing how they are about to take another class to that end, I secretly gloat. My heart smirks because it isn't me. Not this time.
So when I entered the education office, I didn't feel a change in the air. Not this time. The air cleaved in two for me so that, yea, I walked in on dry land.
A gentleman was talking on the phone in Turkish, and he motioned me to have a seat. I declined the throne. I wouldn't be there long. I was content to stand, thank you.
He finished and introduced himself. I asked if I needed to inprocess this office. He said, "Are you new?"
Everybody asks that when I announce I'm inprocessing. I wonder how they'd respond if I said, "No. Been here five years, thanks." But I suppose it's like watching someone pitch themselves head over keester in a 30mph downhill bicycle accident and blurting out, "Are you ok?" I know they're trying to be polite and helpful, but I always have to smother the comment that springs to my mind: "What do you think?"*
* Instead, my standard response--since I regularly do this to myself--is to say, "Actually, no. I just had a bicycle accident."
I produced my checklist and he gave me a form to fill out so he could put me in his database. He signed my checklist. I said that I have completed all of my PME requirements. At this point, his compatriot, Greg (American names are so much easier to hang onto; they neatly fit the pegs I have in my head for "names"), who was standing behind me, said, "Continuing education?"
I said, "No thanks. I've had enough of that." I may have said I had it "up to here" and motioned a high water mark that would drown me dead.
He didn't go away, though. He actually hovered now. "Instructor?" he asked.
ME, still filling out the form for the other guy: Excuse me?
HIM: Do you have a master's degree?
ME: Two.
HIM, speaking faster and trembling noticeably: In what?
Do you see what's coming? I didn't.
ME: History and English Literature.
Here, he rushed back to his office for something, speaking so fast I couldn't keep up. He returned in seconds with an application form and began telling me how to fill it out. I stopped him politely and said, "Can I finish here first? I'll come back and see you in a moment. It's okay. I promise."
I felt like I was dealing with an excited puppy and was about to find out that he wasn't housebroken.
I stepped back into his office once I was "in the system," and he begged me to consider teaching for the University of Maryland part time. They desperately need a history instructor, and it pays $2000 and up per semester (with my qualifications, I may very well be worth more to them). Please? We haven't had a history or social sciences instructor here for four years and the students all need at least one history course to complete their CCAF requirements. Please? I could teach two, maybe three courses a year. Please?
The air closed in on me as I left with a University of Maryland catalog, an application form, and his card. The education office is here to meet my civilian and military fears. It looks innocent and helpful, but it's Freddie Kruger. It exists to plague me.
Now what?
d
14 comments
Hi Diana,
Can you teach in addition to your regular job? Will the military reduce your assigned job to compensate for the time these courses would take to teach and prep? If not, are there enough hours in the day to do both?
Good luck with your decision. Would you get to put University of Maryland on your resume?
Lorraine
I can’t ask them to reduce my assigned job to compensate, of course. If they offer, that’s one thing. If not, it isn’t a request that may be made.
This is one of the few opportunities commissioned officers have to take part-time employment, actually. Most possible part-time jobs would be thought to either interfere with our assigned duties and/or possibly place us in a position of servitude to enlisted folk. This may be a special case, though.
The students are all enlisted troops who need the course to complete their CCAF or pursue their bachelor’s degrees, so I’ll be filling a military need here. This is why i think the military might see their way clear to accommodate such moonlighting in this case. Who knows? They might even give me a medal for it.
I’ve already checked and the readings are fairly inconsequential–~20 pages out of a history book for each class. I get to write my own tests, assign my own papers (which are short), teach my own students.
BTW…WHAT resume? What part of “I’m going to RETIRE in five years” did you not understand?” ;)
Speaking of resume…they want a copy of mine so I can apply for this position. Would it be funny or cocky to list University of Maryland (pending) under teaching experience?
d
Diana,
Higher education’s kind of like dealing with the Mob, isn’t it? First it’s little things - a class here, a favor there, all legal and aboveboard - but eventually you’re sucked in and can’t escape.
Look at Brian May. He thought he was able to escape a career as an astrophysicist by joining Queen, but now he’s chancellor of John Moores University in Liverpool.
Dave
D,
I think the fundamental question would be whether you enjoy teaching. If it’s something you really enjoy, you’ll probably be ready to tolerate all the bullsh*t that (apparently) comes with it, and still be happy at the end of the day.
If you don’t, it will probably become something you drag yourself through, and twice as tiresome.
Just so you know, though… You’ve just been offered something close to my dream job :P (replacing “History” with “English")
Mila, I love teaching. I miss my students from the Academy. I miss the interaction.
I don’t miss the grading, but I figure that’s the part they pay me for, which means this is a pretty good deal.
Tell me more about your dream job!
d
My dream job would involve teaching English as a second language to adult learners, in a place that doesn’t fall apart, with whatever material I like at my disposal, and being paid decent money to do it. That’s about it…
d
It would seem to me if you have been offered a posotion you covet [quote Mila, I love teaching. I miss my students from the Academy. I miss the interaction.
I don’t miss the grading, but I figure that’s the part they pay me for, which means this is a pretty good deal. end quote] and you enjoy getting paid for it also, your question has already been answered. ;)
The only other question that remains to be answered is: Are you ready to give up what extra time it would cost you to do the job?
Whatever your decision is, I’m sure that in the long run, you will be a better person for it.
Love you cuz!
Diana, remember, too, that the teaching there counts into the years you have at the academic level, and your retirement will be “fatter” as a result!
If you want it, go for it. Otherwise, let it slide; you’ll find plenty to keep you busy, I’m sure!
Hi Diana,
To answer your question:
1. No, not funny to the people who will be reading it.
2. Yes.
Though, it is delicious to contemplate it.
Ya, ya, retire, I know. So, who’s got the pool going on whether Diana actually retires when she leaves the military or just changes who she works for? What’s the current bet on how long that first retirement will last? ;)
L.
I’m going to toss the idea around for a bit. I do want to have my own down time for a while. I need this break. My greatest weakness, though, is saying no when I know I have a skill that the enlisted folk here so desperately need (their promotions can rest on their getting the class the UofM cannot offer without me, although I don’t know why they cannot get these courses from the UofM from online instructors).
Nikki is right: I do want to concentrate on me for a while. I’m trying to learn how to slow down–be bored, even. So…we’ll see.
d
Hi Diana,
Are you allowed to ask the powers that be at your new official job what ramifications taking this teaching gig would have on your main job? They might have some reassuring words about making compensatory changes in your principal duties to allow you to take a job you’d love that would do so much good for so many in the military while giving the US a better educated military and one better able to cope with civilian life once retired.
What a delicious dilemma you have.
Lorraine
I don’t recall you giving a definitive decision on this. I am proud of you no matter whether you decide to or not, but I would like to know what your decision is. Since you are spending time elsewhere, I imply that you have decided against it. Eh what?
I didn’t, Daddy. I have been pitched (again) since, but I’m working in an operation, which means that peacetime pursuits (such as teaching class part-time) are not part of the equation.
This is for the best, though. I really need the break.
d
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