how to avoid writing a paper
By diana on Dec 12, 2010 | In capricious bloviations
as the deadline grows nearer, simply shorten the time spent on each item so you can cycle through the list faster
1. Go to the library and check out a pile of books that get you excited about your subject. Take them home and place them in open view.
2. Check Facebook, your email, and any discussion boards you may be a member of. If you don't get enough interruptions, post a couple of statuses designed to elicit comment and amusement, and/or start a discussion somewhere with someone online.
3. Read one of those books. Mark parts of it and tell yourself that you have a lot to say on each point. Keep reading. Take a nap, then read again.
4. Check for anything interesting happening online.
5. Copy quotes out of the book, being careful to provide page references, just like you'll need if you use them as is in the final product. Take time now, while you're killing time, to look up stuff in the MLA reference guide so you get your Works Cited list perfect.
6. Treat yourself to a glass of wine for getting that much done.
7. Check the internetz again.
8. Ask your friends on Facebook who are also writing papers why they are not keeping you entertained in this your time of crisis.
9. Go root through the 'fridge for something to eat.
10. Force yourself to write down the first thoughts that spring to mind about your subject. Tell yourself that it doesn't matter if they're silly or completely daft, so long as you write something down. You'll edit out the stupidity later.
11. Blog. About anything. Doesn't matter.
12. Panic. Write paper. Make assertions you know you can't support because you don't have the time to do research right now. Know that you'll probably take a hit for it.
13. Realize that editing out the stupidity would entail completely rewriting the paper. Convince yourself that your thoughts aren't so much simplistic as they are profound. Correct grammar and sentence "flow."
14. Sleep restlessly.
15. Skim frantically through a few books. Emerge from the experience with a few disconnected thoughts you think you can magically develop into something complete.
16. Repeat from step 2 as necessary.
***
I'm actually enjoying this paper, but I still go through the same silly process. Anyway...while I was doing my research, I stumbled across a question which I find quite interesting. I posted it on Facebook and again at the Secular Cafe and have gotten some interesting answers. I wonder what y'all will say, so here it is:
Suppose that you know in advance that you will be marooned on a desert island for the rest of your life, or at least for a long period. Suppose, too, that you have time to prepare for the experience. There are certain practical and useful articles that you would be sure to take with you. You will also be allowed ten books. Which ones would you select? (Please limit each response, if they are collections, to works that are normally found in a single volume.)
Of course, you are to presuppose that you'll have adequate time to train/prepare as necessary to survive. (I didn't say this originally, as I felt it was implicit in the question, so almost everybody has been trying to game the question.)
What are your selections?
d
13 comments
1) A Bible, most likely an NIV study Bible with lots of commentary.
2) A Boy Scout Fieldbook.
3) An old (1950s-60s era) Boy Scout Handbook. (I haven’t looked at the current editions but my mid-70s Handbook was light on woodcraft and heavy on good citezenship.)
4) A good book on how to play a musical instrument, assuming I can take said instrument with me, or a book on how to make an instrument if I have to go native.
5) The Joy of Cooking.
6) The Rough Guide to the Universe.
7) A field guide to plants native to the island.
8) A field guide to wildlife native to the island.
9) My high school yearbook from 11th grade.
10) If I’m going to be alone, Witch World by Andre Norton. If someone else from western civilization will be there, War and Peace so I can brag about having read it.
Well, I would go for the Bible, a good dictionary, and a thesaurus. After that, I’m not sure, and will have to think about it. I’m assuming, of course, that these ten books are NOT blank books to write in. I’ve read many books that would help me survive; Robinson Crusoe would be one of these. A good cookbook (the older the better, due to possibly having to find or make many of the ingredients) and also a songbook of good songs to sing a capello. That leaves me to figure out the other four.
Repeat:
Of course, you are to presuppose that you’ll have adequate time to train/prepare as necessary to survive. (I didn’t say this originally, as I felt it was implicit in the question, so almost everybody has been trying to game the question.)
d
Clearly, I should have presented John’s alternate scenario, since EVERYBODY KEEPS ASSUMING THAT THEY’LL NEED BOOKS TO TELL THEM HOW TO BUILD A BOAT OR NAVIGATE OR SURVIVE ON THE ISLAND.
:roll:
Here was his suggestion:
Instead of being marooned alone, say you’ve been sentenced to years of solitary confinement. Your food, water, shelter, and clothing are provided- but sadistic (but legalistic) jailers have to allow you ten printed books- no more, no less- to keep with you.
Does this help?
d
Diana,
My choices aren’t about survival, they’re about learning. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life in isolation I’ll need something to keep my mind active. I do that by learning about what’s around me. That’s why I chose the field guides and the Scout manuals. The music and cooking books are my way of finding inspiration to make my life more than just simple subsistence. The Bible is to study up on claims I’ve heard but never bothered to research, and for comfort and inspiration. The Norton and yearbook are to help me remember happier times.
To paraphrase BASF’s slogan: I don’t want to just survive, I want to make survival better.
Dave
Ah. Ok. :)
Sorry ’bout that.
I love the music idea.
Here was my list:
1. Collected works of Shakespeare
2. Bible (NSRV Study Bible with copious footnotes)
3. Works of Homer
4. Milton’s Paradise Lost
5. Collection of the world’s greatest poetry
6. Eliot’s Middlemarch
7. Gulliver’s Travels
8. Dante’s Divine Comedy
9. Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov
10. Gibbon’s Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
After I wrote this list, I was told that Gibbon is several volumes, so I need to replace that one.
d
Why can’t I take ALL of my books? I don’t have that many anyway…
Here’s what I’ve come up with, in no particular order:
Collected works of Oscar Wilde
Rapture, by Carol Ann Duffy
A History of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters, by Julian Barnes
Catholic Bible
Collected short stories by Jorge Luis Borges
Cien Años de Soledad, by Gabriel García Márquez (well… any book by him, to be honest)
Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott
A Doll’s House, by Henrik Ibsen
Shakespeare’s sonnets
Cuentos de la selva, by Horacio Quiroga
All of that, and a bottle of whiskey.
Diana,
With the single volume restriction I thought about saying I wanted a loaded e-reader and nine blank notebooks. But that’s just silly, an e-reader won’t last more than a few years even if I had a way to recharge it. But with a capacity of several thousand books it’s the only library you can lift without dynamite.
Does Shakespeare fit in a single volume? I’d expect his collection to span at least a couple of books.
If I can have a collection that fits in one volume, I’d like to amend my list to replace the Norton with a collection of her Witch World novels.
I’d never heard of Middlemarch until now. (Apparently American education has failed me again.) Is that something you’d read for enjoyment, or is it something to be studied?
Dave
Oh yeah, Dave! I have all of Shakespeare’s works in one volume.
Middlemarch, I have not yet read. I did, however, read Daniel Deronda and fell in LOVE with Eliot. And Middlemarch is her classic.
Mila,
Thanks for reminding me of the Barnes. I’ve been trying to remember the name of that book for years. :)
Why do people keep choosing Little Women?
d
Diana,
I chose Little Women because it was the first novel I ever read. It was basically the book that made me a book worm; the point at which my journey started. That’s the first reason why it will always stay with me.
I think I (and probably other people as well) may also have chosen it for the same reasons I’d take a Bible: it’s timeless, and it always has new things to say. I think the variety of its characters allows most people to feel identified with at least one. Same thing with what they go through.
Mila.-
Maybe i should read it again.
I read it at…oh…12. Didn’t care for it.
Have since read Pilgrim’s Progress (god help me), HATED it, and learned that it was mentioned in Little Women, which I didn’t remember but now I don’t like it more.
Excellent call on the whiskey.
d
Hi Diana,
I find it most interesting but completely unpredictable which of your posts will spur the most comments. Gay rights–2, Deserted Island reading list–11 and counting. Shows you where our priorities lie.
PBS has broadcast top notch serialised versions of both the Elliot books mentioned above.
As for the bible, my son’s rock band, The Red Eyed Ravens, hopes to someday have a second gig. Our United Church looks a likely candidate so they figure they have to write a song appropriate for a service but as they have an Atheist, a Protestant, a lapsed Catholic and a Conservative Jew (recently switched from Orthodox because of the conflict between the rules governing girls and his testosterone poisoning) they didn’t want something overtly Christian with “too much Jesus talk.” So, I introduced my son to the Songs of Solomon. BIG surprise. We’ll see if anything comes of it but, yup, the Bible is full of a variety of stuff that could keep one interested for quite a while, believer or not. (I also would love to see what happens to the blue rinse mafia in church, if the band puts one of those songs into a service.)
Keep up the blogging.
Lorraine
Now THAT would be an interesting service to be a little mouse behind the door, Lorraine! I’m sitting here smiling to myself still. Thanks for the grin!
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