my life 2007

...you may get a blizzard.

Yes, a huge system moving over the Rockies will commence dumping tons of snow on us around midnight. At the moment, the "minor" and insignificant front has given us a couple of inches.

My boss was kind enough to tell me I needn't go to work tomorrow since I taught today (the Academy's teaching-day schedule is very effective, but screwy--you must see to believe), because we expect about six inches by morning, with the front really revving up about that time. So...I brought home my laptop so I can log onto USAFA's network and thus help any students who need to clarify, and I am currently relaxing this evening in the "Friday night" arms of an unexpected three-day weekend.

I've had a heckuva week.

Tuesday, I was teaching, and managed to leave the house in just enough time to make it to work on time, except I noticed that I was hatless and thus wasted another precious eight minutes searching for my lid in vain. I must have left it at work in my gym bag, I thought. So I drove to work, getting caught in every conceivable traffic jam and behind every farmer miraculously going to market on my way to work. I parked temporarily in the parking garage--reserved for those of military and academic rank, neither of which includes me--raced upstairs, and walked through the department announcing loudly, "OK. Who drives a stick?"

For you military-challenged folk: I'd forgotten my cover (hat), and thus could not walk about outside--where I am required to park--without it. One of my colleagues volunteered, warning me he might pop the clutch a couple of times, since he hadn't driven a stick in, oh, ten years, and walked out with my keys and a huge grin.

I was, of course, late for first period. Five minutes into it, I realized I didn't have the necessary essays to return to my fledgl...uh...freshmen, so I ran back up to my office to fetch the forgotten pile. Essay Return Day is like Christmas: sometimes Santa brings you toys and candy; sometimes it's coals and switches. (And usually, you know in advance whether you've been naughty or nice. Exceptions to this rule do exist, however.) One of my students asked to speak with me in my office about his essay. More on this in a minute.

At the end of that class, I discovered I'd failed to print the most updated list of "hotwash" items for essay writing--this is military-speak for "things you did wrong but will improve next time"--and ran upstairs again (two stories at 7400 feet or so, incidentally), only to discover a note on my office door from our exec saying, "Capt Black, please report to the orderly room after fourth period. It's on the fifth floor."

Great. Just great. And me without a hat.

There's only one reason we receive notices (sans explanation), out of the blue, to "report to the orderly room": to take a surprise urinalysis. This is a BIG SECRET, though. The orderly room, for reasons defying explanation, must play stupid until you report as ordered, at which time you're essentially given orders to go pee in a cup. When you get the order, you sign for it and must go directly to the hospital and NOT LEAVE until you have managed to perform as ordered.

For the record, I don't use (illegal) drugs* and have no desire to do so. However, I firmly believe the government's "War on Drugs" is a monumental waste of government resources, time and money, and gets us NOTHING in return. Plus, I hate having to pee with someone watching. (Too personal? Whatever. Now you know.)

* I always imagine the lab techs holding up a sample of my pee and saying, with a look of awe, "No traces of illegal narcotics here, but the caffiene levels are phenomenal!"

The problem was, when I found the note, I kinda needed to go already, but it was too early and I had classes to teach. Normally, this isn't a big deal, considering that I found the note around 9am and I wasn't required to go report until almost noon, but I have a...urm...a...bashful bladder. I have to really need to go in order to pee with someone watching.

By the end of second period, at 9:43 (no kidding), I had to go a bit more. And so it was that I ran upstairs to the orderly room, told them I'd gotten the Operation Golden Flow note, and had a couple of intervening problems. To wit: I have to teach again in 50 minutes, I have to go now, and I have no hat today.

An enlisted female suggested I take her hat and run over. I said, "You think no one will notice?" (Enlisted headgear doesn't have the cool silver trim or rank insignia on it like officer headgear.) She said, "Oh. Uh...I didn't think about that." She and another enlisted troop who keep the orderly room orderly, said, "We haven't told you why you're here. Why don't you just go do your thing and start drinking water...."

So I did. I found my hat in the interim, solving another touchy problem, then managed to get to the hospital, do the deed regardless of the fact that I was being observed, and return to the department in enough time to choke down some lunch before bolting off to my fifth period class. After that class, I has student conferences until late.

Wednesday, I'd arranged to take my PFT (Physical Fitness Test) at 10am. I met my PTL* at the field house and we commenced. We'd originally planned to do the run outdoors, but it was vicious windy and a brisk 31 degrees to boot, so we switched our plans at the last minute. I asked Steve (the PTL) how many laps I needed to do indoors. He said six; it's a quarter mile track. I said OK.

* Physical Training Leader, not Praise The Lord.

The run is the only part of the PFT that gives me any trouble at all. I'll toss in that I am a perfectionist; I like making a perfect score on my PFT. I can do pushups to shame 25-year-old men; ditto on the situps. I have no waist measurement problems (or BMI problems). I simply don't run so fast naturally, and 1.5 miles is a fairly long distance to run quickly. I'm short on one end, y'know.

I've been training at altitude for several months now. I didn't imagine I'd gotten very fast. I had, however, reached a point at which I could break into a trot for over three miles at the Academy (much of it uphill) without passing out, which I considered quite a coup.

So, I knocked out the pushups and situps, then relaxed for a few minutes and started the run. I began running at a speed which was considerably faster than my normal pace; how much faster, I did not know. Further, I didn't have a watch on, so I couldn't check my lap time. Steve told me my lap time at every lap, but I only heard the seconds part, so that didn't help. By the end of the first lap, I was blowing hard and thought throwing up might be a nice idea. After that, I lost all track of time and how fast or slow I was running. I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other as quickly as possible, but so so quickly that I lost consciousness. I remember the surreal feeling of light-headedness at the conclusion of the third lap.

When I finished, Steve clicked the watch and said, "8 minutes and 39 seconds."

I said, "You're kidding."

"Nope. 8:39. I thought for a minute that I missed a lap."

"No. I counted those closely. Are you sure this is a quarter-mile track, Steve?"

"Yeah."

"Steve, never in my life have I run a six-minute mile--even at sea level."

"Well...that's what you ran."

Hrm. I wanted to believe, because...who wouldn't? But I didn't. I showered, dressed--coughing incessantly; the altitude is ROUGH on the lungs--and went to BK for cheap Whopper Jrs thinking about it. I still wasn't convinced by the time I got back to the office. Steve sent me an email shortly after that, as he'd told an Academy graduate how fast I'd done the run. The Academy graduate--Lt Col Roy--informed him that the track was 1/6th of a mile. I'd only done a mile. I have to retest.

It isn't the knowledge that I didn't run the mile that quickly that depresses me; it's the fact that I must run 1.5 for time at that altitude again soon. :|

So I went back to the office, learned I had to retake the running portion of the test--scheduled for Friday--and began to meet with students, one of whom was the freshman who wanted to argue his paper.

I have a question for those less-than-young students out there: do you remember going to any teacher or professor and attempting to argue that teacher into changing his or her grade on your paper?

I don't. Perhaps it was the respect for authority my parents ingrained in me from...well, birth, or it was my pride, or perhaps it was because I never made a poor grade on a paper (or all of the above), or maybe it was just...I don't know...common sense, but going to a professor's office--his inner sanctum--to argue a grade never crossed my mind.

I'm still amazed at the fact that any student--let alone a string of them--will come to my office and shamelessly say they have never made such a poor grade in English and "don't feel" they deserved the grade I "gave" them. Do they have no pride?

So anyway. I've learned in such sessions to emphasize the lessons the student needs to apply to avoid on ongoing poor performance. The student who came to me yesterday, however, was focused on his late paper. He wanted to argue the "content" portion.

By the way...I use grading rubrics. They limit the amount of points I can punish any given paper for any given trespass. Also, the students know exactly where they lost X number of points. I provide the rubrics well before the paper is due, so the students can use them as a checklist, if they wish. I'd allotted 20 points of this paper to "content," but had counted off 10 points on this student's paper for same. The rest was piddly stuff he didn't argue about. He was convinced his paper had good content. He told me he thought it was a B paper.

I pointed out the myriad problems--one of which was the fact that he'd only asserted his thesis but had not made even a feeble argument for it--but he didn't respond. I finally told him I'd have one or two of my colleagues take a look at his paper--the copy he'd sent me online, unmarked--and without any input from me, ask them to grade the paper and explain why they gave the grade they did. He was satisfied with this. Dutifully, I sent off his (unmarked and unremarked) paper to my colleagues, simply asking them to grade and offer me reasons for their grade.

Today, one of them wrote back. He'd marked up the paper considerably and, based on content alone, given it a "clear F."

I'd given the paper a 60.

I promptly emailed my colleague's comments to the student, as promised, and that oughta take care of that little problem.

But I've been thinking about this. It's gotten to the point that a part of me dreads returning graded papers, because I know I'll waste several hours in the next few days--after I've sunk much of my "leisure time" for several days into grading--arguing about the grades with various students. I'm tired of it.

I'm torn between two approaches. The first is the (apparently successful) approach Lt Col Hanley (one of my colleagues, if I may place myself on a par with him in any sense) uses. This is what he tells students who want to argue their grades: "I'll tell you what. I'll regrade it from scratch, closely. I'll spend the hour that this paper deserves. However, be advised that I tend to catch several things on the second grading that I glazed over on the first, so grades almost always go down as a result. Your call."

How true this is. My other option is simply my own idea. To wit: "Papers are graded on the basis of how well they stand alone as a means of communication. If you feel the need to sit down with me and explain how you met the assignment requirements and how I just missed it, your paper has failed to stand alone, and the grade stands. For the record, I accept not student subjective arguments against mine; my subjective reasons for giving a grade automatically trump yours. If, however, you have an objective reason for requesting I reconsider your paper's grade, you will present it concisely--and you will accept my judgment at that time as final, whether you like it or not. End of discussion."

I may just go with Lt Col Hanley's idea. Dunno. I just know I'm fed up with students thinking "but I've never done this badly in English!" is a reason for me to raise their paper grades.

Thoughts?

d