In English with English subtitles.
For years, I've heard about the new-release black market movies you can get for nothing more than the time it takes to download them. They're shot with a digital camera inside the movie theater. Sometimes, some of the picture is shaved off on the sides, something that's obvious during the opening credits and when the original movie has subtitles that are not entirely transferred to the unauthorized copy. Sometimes, people stand up in front of the camera to get popcorn. The movies themselves tend to turn out a bit darker than the original, so they can be difficult to follow during night scenes, and the sound is sometimes fuzzy. I've never had DSL or cable, and am not so desperate to see any movies that I'd spent hours slowing my connection to download something so iffy, so I've been bereft of the joy of black market movies until quite recently.
I've seen them where the locals come to sell us cheesy wares, commonly called the "Hadjimart."* The movies come on DVDs, and I think they charge $10 for a pack of three, usually containing one movie you want to see and two you never heard of. They come in plastic sleeves, with a color print of the movie cover inside, to make it look quasi-official. I hear some of these movies stop about three-quarters of the way through the movie (perhaps the camera went dead or ran out of memory, or maybe the thief was caught filming). Some of the movies simply don't play at all due to incompatibilities. I never bothered buying any.
* Yes, I just used the word "Hadji." But I don't know what else to call their flea market and be understood. I could call it the Iraqi flea market, but whoever I'm talking with would say, "Do you mean the Hadjimart?" So I readily admit I can't win.
The customs officials allow us to take home a few of these films as souvenirs. I'm not sure how many you can take before they draw the line. I guess if it looks like you're thinking of going into business for yourself, they'll tell you to ditch them, although how you could possibly sell this junk in the States is beyond me.
I saw one of these movies in passing while I was waiting at our PAX terminal here to fly to Al Udeid. They have a huge television in the waiting area with several donated black market movies. I was intrigued to notice that the movie itself was American, but someone has gone to the trouble of adding English subtitles--and that someone's first language clearly was not English.
The point of appending English subtitles to a movie that's already in English--particularly when it's clear this had to have been done by hand--escapes me. Do they think we might be watching these in crowded bars and thus need subtitles? Do they think some of us might be deaf? Maybe they're just practicing their English.
I didn't pay much attention to the movie in the PAX terminal on account of I was reading a good book and the movie in question, although loud and inescapable, was utterly melodramatic and forgettable.
I bring this subject up again because I decided to pass some time today watching some movies on the morale drive. Hidalgo is a movie I've wanted to watch since I saw the previews a couple of years ago but--like the vast majority of movies these days--I never got around to it. It's a based-on-a-true-story movie about the life of Frank Hopkins, a legend of long-distance horse racing from the 19th century. In the movie, he's dared into a 3000-mile race across the Arabian desert on his Mustang, Hidalgo. (If nothing else, this movie is worth watching just for the sandstorm scene. But I digress.) The movie turned out to be quite good, as I'd hoped it would be, with likable characters and good plot.*
* Some of you out there are saying, "Plot? What is this thing you speak of?" When you graduate to adult films....uh. I mean, when you move to films for mature audiences.... Hm. Perhaps I should just say that when you get past the point of watching movies for the special effects, beautiful people and car chases, you'll discover a number of movies that depend upon character development, meaningful and captivating dialogue, and stories that are coherent, yet not utterly predictable and formulaic from the opening credits to the closing ones. We call these things "plots."
This copy of Hidalgo starts mid-music score with the camera too far away from the screen in the theater. After the first few seconds, though, the cameraman figures it out, zooms in, and focuses. There are two men in a copse. One smooths his mustache and smugly says, "Everyone's well behind us, Senator. When we cross the finish line, we best look like champions." The associated subtitles read: "Everyone hide behind it. When we cross the finishing line, we'll be the championship."
As they gallop happily out of the wood, Hopkins (otherwise known as "Cowboy" throughout the movie) gallops up behind them on Hidalgo. "Howdy," he says. (Subtitle: "Harry.") No answer from the gentleman. Hopkins says, "Nice mornin', Don't'cha think?" (Subtitle: "Morning man....")
Gentleman: You were out of it. You went off the wagon trail. (You were late. You wanna go for a track.)
Cowboy: It's a cross country race, ain't it? (Cross country that you said it.)
Gentleman: Well, I didn't ride eleven hundred miles to finish second place. (We will ride one hundred miles to finish the second.)
Cowboy: Well, why did you, then? (You did it.)
Gentleman: This race is mine, Cowboy. (spurs horse into a run.) (Let's make as a cowboy.)
Cowboy: Ready when you are, brother. (And you're my brother.)
At this point, if I didn't understand spoken English, I'd be horribly confused. As it is, I'm only confused if I read the subtitles because I do speak the language.
In the next scene, the gentleman walks into a bar and orders whisky. Cowboy ribs him good-naturedly. The gentleman says, "Mustangs don't belong in races with thoroughbreds. If you ask me, they belong in fertilizer." (It's not belong to races. You asked me. It belonged to fertilizer.)
Cowboy hops off his barstool and approaches the gentleman. He says, "Mister, you can say anything you want about me,"--Mr. You don't even know me.--"But I'm going to have to ask you not to talk about my horse that way" (I don't to talk about my own way.)
The gentleman puts up his fists and takes a stance. Cowboy flips a coin and says, "Call it," (Oh.) then punches the gentleman while the coin is in the air. He catches it and says, "Tails." (Pale.)
OK. One more scene to give you the flavor of it and I'll quit. Cowboy is somewhere in Arabia, waiting for the race to begin. He's speaking with an English gentlewoman.
Cowboy: You're right at home here, ain't you? (You are home managing.)
Gentlewoman: Well, I spent time amongst the Bedoin with my father since I was thirteen years of age. (I spent most my time with my family.)
Cowboy: Looking for good horses? (Looking for good horses)*
Gentlewoman: Looking for the breed apart. (Looking for the pretty park). My father spent 26 years trying to ambassador his way into their blood, just like his father. (My grand father spent 26 years try to grand back all this to act like his father.) Viceroy of Egypt, Napoleon the Third, all of them...pandered. (For thr digit) When all they had to do was up the ante. (But this was help me empty)
* Occasionally, they get one right, and it shocks you anew.
Until you get used to the subtitles, you find yourself watching the movie with a confused and somewhat pained expression, like a dog trying to figure out a turtle. The one perk the subtitles offer is backup entertainment, should the movie start to drag at any point.
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