my life

On marathons and theses.

I went for a run today at work. I was exhausted from the schedule I've been keeping, but determined to do my duty and run no matter what. Besides...I figured it might help me overcome the exhaustion a bit (and it did).

I wasn't tired, mind you. "Tired" is what happens when you've lost interest in something. Nor was I "fatigued," which is what happens to your muscles when they are worked too long and hard. I could have used more sleep, but I wouldn't say I was sleepy, either. Sleepiness is something coffee can cure, and I had three cups this morning and they had no effect. I was exhausted, pure and simple.

The run was sluggish, to say the least, but I had the energy for it. Rather, I found the energy for it. As I was chugging along, I found myself focusing on my next step, and the next, and the next...then I thought about the reason for my exhaustion and how it could be expressed as a sort of marathon. I think the strategies are similar.

I'm not a marathon runner, incidentally. I do distance, but not that kind of distance. I've entertained the notion a few times, and read up on it, and I have walked 26.2 miles* (Bataan Memorial Death March, 2002), so I have at least an inkling what it might be like.

* In BDUs and combat boots, with unconditioned feet. They were quite literally raw, blood nubs by the time I finished.

The trick to reaching any goal is pretty simple: keep putting one foot in front of the other. The concept is simple, anyway. :) Application requires resolve and focus and a certain stubbornness that can verge on unhealthy. While you're putting one foot in front of the other, you think only of the step you're making now; you don't think of all the steps left to take. If you do, the prospect of future effort may crush you. (This is a trick I learned when playing racquetball, but I picked it up from a martial arts philosophy book, oddly enough: don't think of the game or the point or how good or bad your opponent is; think only of making this shot now to the best of your ability. When you master this focus on the immediate present, you learn that the future takes care of itself quite nicely.)

So...one step at a time, quite literally. There's also a parallel in learning to ignore and overcome minor bodily signals that you need to stop. I've not yet read of any marathon runner who doesn't hit a wall; what separates the men from the boys is what they do when they hit that wall.

I hit a wall daily. Every evening when I find a stopping point and leave work, I want to eat a meal and just sit and do nothing.* I've learned that going to the library helps me focus. I have a couple of other tricks, as well, that keep me going when my body and mind are screaming for me to stop.

*Nothing being most likely herein defined as "mindlessly surfing the Internet."

The biggest difference between the thesis and a marathon is that I know how long the marathon is. The thesis, though...it's over when the committee says its over--whenever that may be.

On or before the 15th of April, I will have completed the draft writing portion of my thesis, and I will defend it as soon thereafter as I possibly can. To this end, I wake at 5am and read/write for 1.5 hours with my coffee companion until it's time to go to work. I take a book in the event I go to lunch alone; I can read and mark pages (with stickies, natch). When I get off work, whenever that is, I go back to it. There are tiny breaks built in to cook and clean and feed the critters. And write the occasional blog entry. But in an odd way, I'm as obsessed with this as I was with Mario Brothers and Zelda back in the day.

So that's why you don't hear much from me, but I reckon most of you knew that already. I think my personal time has never been so precious as it is right now.

d