my life

First papers are in.

Hi, y'all. Welcome back to Dianaland. Yes...I have been absent for a spell. Forgive me. I assumed completion of my master's program would increase my free time. You know what they say, though: when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of me and umption. I put in about ten hours a day at work, on average, then come home and prepare for the next day, read literature, write lesson plans, etc. But I really love everything I do now.

Last Friday was "greet the classes" day. All went well, except my fifth period class lagged a bit. I forgive them to some degree; they're sophomores (disillusioned "three degrees") and this is a core course following lunch. I'm a realist: I expect a certain level of sleepy apathy.

Until today when I began grading papers, I was not sure what my 111 (Freshman Comp) students needed. My course director gave me a skeleton syllabus with several class days loosely labeled "style: clarity," "style: description" and such. Having never taught, I found myself struggling with the chains of too much freedom. I really needed specific guidance to point the way...at least, in the beginning I did.

Thus, I began with the standard "it this thing that there" exercise. THIS is an exercise THAT is common at the Academy, you see. And IT's a trick. You tell your students the first day THAT their homework is to write a paragraph beginning with "IT was a dark and snowy night." (Be creative. Be descriptive.) Of course, the results are peppered with the vague words "it this thing that there." ("Something" and "Anything" and related words all count, as well.)

But IT's a double whammy, see. You then tell them to circle all occurrances of "am is are was were be being been has have had." By THIS time, in one paragraph, they may HAVE ten to twenty words circled.

When they return the next day, you instruct them to rewrite the paragraph without any of the offending words. ("And why do you use these words? Because you're LAZY. You're LAZY CADETS!")

I WASn't sure where the exercise WAS going. Honestly, I'D never heard of such a THING. (See the difficulty of writing without them? And what about "them"? Isn't "them" just "these" over there?)

I see the point, of course. If you're forbidden to use these words, you must...well...write clear, concise sentences. At least, that's the theory. I found that the cadets may be lazy, but they aren't stupid. They adeptly found unimaginative, worthless and repetitive workarounds: "began to," "got," "started"....

Now I have to spank them.

While I was grading papers today, I decided I DO know what these cadets need (sez me...). Instead of directions of what NOT to do, I'm about to try instruction on what TO do. Something like:

BAD: He was a bald man.
BETTER: His bald head...[whatever].

Explanation: If you cannot write the idea without employing "was" or "is" or somesuch, it does not deserve its own sentence. Simple. (Also...eradicating forms of "be" makes use of passive sentence structure difficult.)

I'm not so sure about the "it this thing that there" rule, though. I work with people who will simply not allow students to EVER use these words in graded assignments. I think that's extreme, personally. But then, in academic work, "it this thing that there" almost always cause confusion. Also, such words feed wordiness and deadwood constructions. I lean toward eradicating vague verbiage. My success depends upon my ability to teach concrete, clear verbiage, though, doesn't it?

I taught yesterday and got four compliments from students in various classes. My 111 (Freshman Comp) class asked if they'd have me for a semester or the whole year; I told them it would only be a semester, and several of them said, "Awwwww....maaaaan."

Then in my third period (cynical sophomore) 211 (Intro to Literature) course, I got THREE. One student asked me if I'm kin to Conan O'Brian, because I act like him. (Admittedly, I had to ask if this was a compliment or an insult. Several students assured me in unison that it was a compliment, so...there ya go.) Another student gave me a high-five on the way out of class. And yet another stayed after to tell me, "This is the first English class I've ever enjoyed." Then he hung out for a while and talked about the material and how excited he was.

I then walked back to my office with chills going up my spine.

My self-selected mentor told me that accruing even one compliment in a semester is golden. Four in a day is a coup.

None of these bright-eyed and bushy-tailed students have gotten a grade from me, though. Something tells me student-teacher affection can be fickle. ;)

Their papers horrified me. They need a grammar Nazi. NEED. Freshman college papers strike me as ninth-grade level writing, with precious few exceptions. Is it just me? "When you get to the end of the sentence, put a period there" is a simple, straightforward concept, don't you think? What am I missing?

Time for Mr. Hyde, I'm afraid. At this point, the paint job is so bad that I don't care to look under the hood.

Incidentally...I never appreciated how much energy teaching requires. I never had a job so utterly exhausting. Teaching is performance, to a greater or lesser degree. I teach four classes in a day. Draining. The other instructors share my experience. I've said to two or three, "Maybe it will get better."

Without fail, they say, "No. It doesn't."

Good thing I enjoy it.

d