my life 2008

Teaching myself to swim.

I'm a sinker. I've always been a sinker. I don't think scientists fully understand this phenomenon, but I "float" below the surface of the water. I'm fairly lean, and muscle is heavier than fat, yadda yadda, but there's something more that determines the difference, I think. Some people who have 10% body fat or less can FLOAT without wiggling.

I'm not one of those people.

Having never learned to swim, I seem to have developed a genuine fear of water deeper than 5 feet over the years. I understand this also is a common phenomenon. Several million Americans are afraid of deep water, and presumably these Americans can swim just fine in water that isn't over their heads.

You might say it's all in their heads. This confuses me. Why should my buoyancy be effected by whether I think I can swim or not? For that matter, each time I sink in various pools with various people over the years, they invariably say, "Just relax!" Why should my state of relaxation effect my buoyancy? I don't get it.

So, over a month ago, I went to the doc with a bum knee, thanks to my back yard project. He announced that I had a strained medial collateral ligament and I should stay off it. I have, except yesterday, when I felt the need to break into an easy trot for about 15 feet from the car to a building because it was raining. My knee announced its discontent immediately, and is still aggravated.

From about 8 jogged steps.

I'm frustrated.

On the other hand, well-meaning people have been telling me for years that I need to cross train, to protect my joints and give my running muscles a break, etc. I've been too set in my ways to do so, even when I recognized this as good advice. Now that I've been a month without running ability with no end in sight, I decided it was time to bite the swimming bullet.

(Oh...I've ridden my bicycle for exercise when I could, but I must do far more biking to get a respectable workout than swimming. They say land-based exercise burns far more calories than swimming, but I may be an exception...because I sink, which in a sense makes my swimming land-based, if you think about it....)

All I had at first was a pair of surfer shorts I bought in California and an athletic bra. I didn't know whether I'd be able to swim, so the swimsuit investment seemed a bit crazy at the outset. I swallowed my pride and....

Well, I went to the pool. But speaking of pride, have you ever noticed that no one offers adult swim classes? Not really. They offer private adult tutorials. Kids get several sessions cheap (8 for $40 or something) and the anonymity of a classroom; adults get insanely expensive sessions ($20 for 30 minutes) that are one on one. After my first lap-swim session, which I'll tell you about in a minute, I went to the front desk and told the lifeguard on duty that I wanted lessons. He took my name and number and asked some questions about what I'm having trouble with (breathing!), and said someone would call me. As far as I know, no one has called me yet.

I do the lap swimming with various flotation devices, alternating between the tiny surfboards (I don't know what they're called) that you cling to to practice paddling, and the little puffy things you clutch between your legs (pullboys?) to practice your strokes and breathing. I'm doing over half a mile now, and I've experimented enough with breathing that I think I've figured it out. (Something about waiting until you aren't underwater to take a breath....) I'm about ready to combine the basics without the floats, I think. I'll wait until I have a side lane, so I have something within reach to cling to should it not work out.

I've done this enough that I decided it's probably time for me to go get a real swimsuit. No. Actually I went to get GOGGLES. Oh yeah. Once I began getting decent with my breathing, the chlorine just about ate up my eyes. Also, my hair--which I've been growing out--flops into my eyes when I attempt to crawl, so I looked for a headpiece, swim cap...whatever you call it (I'm so monstrously uncool. I don't know any of the lingo). However, I decided that I'd rather cope with hair than feel as though I'm in a proverbial headlock while I swim. Besides...I can trap most of the wayward hair with my goggles. That was the best $15 I ever spent.

While I was there, I picked up a swimsuit so I wouldn't look as though I'd left my surfboard propped up outside. I'm picky about swimsuits. About 99% of all women's swimsuits are French cut, you see. I suspect roughly--and I'm making this number up based entirely upon random, unrecorded observation--60% of women are French cut themselves. Even if I had the, erm, pubic aesthetic for such attire, I think I'd still feel virtually naked in it.

I found a two-piece that's less revealing than most one-pieces, that I'm not mortified to wear from the locker room to the pool. To the tune of $60, of course--and that was on special.

I see men wearing swimshorts that come half-way down the thigh, sleek and aerodynamic. Why don't they make women's swimsuits that do the same? (I know they do--I've seen them--but where on earth might I find one? You can't try stuff on on the internet.)

So now I'm cross training. I'm learning to swim. I'm slowly becoming comfortable in the water, at least in certain positions, and will soon, I expect, be able to do the occasional lap without assistance at all.

It'll probably be far, far longer before I can tread water. Wanna watch me sink like a rock? Turn me vertical.

And I'm going back to the doc tomorrow. The knee should have been better by now, yes?

d