my life 2007

Notes from the madhouse.

Have you ever wondered by dye that runs will set instantly the moment it encounters white laundry? Why doesn't it keep on running?

***

It's finals time again. I have a touch of mental chaos--rather like a touch of the flu, but with insanity instead of fever and a cough--but it'll pass by Friday.

***

Inspired by the new On The Border (TM) "Guacamole Live!" menu item (where the waiter brings the ingredients and makes the dish to your specifications at the table), I just made homemade guac. Here's how I did it, if you're interested. Begin with:

3 ripe avocados, with random bruised spots
1 huge red onion
1 giant bundle of fresh cilantro for $.99
1 large, insanely expensive but meltingly delicious organic tomato
salt and pepper
2 limes
1 tsp minced garlic

It's easy. Remove bruised spots of ripe avocados. Scrape remaining two avocados into medium bowl. Mash up with pastry cutter (this tool worked very well for the job). Chop 1/3rd of huge onion. Wipe eyes. Blow nose. Clean hands. Chop tomato, stealing a chunk every 30 seconds. Sqeeze 1 lime into the mixture until it screams. Add about a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of pepper, and a teaspoon or less of minced garlic. Mince up 1/3 cup of cilantro, toss it in, then mix everything up.

Wish you'd only tossed in 1/4 cup cilantro.

So it goes. It's still absolutely delicious. I think everything would have been fine had the avocados turned out better.

***

Caught another plagiarist. In case you're wondering, I imagine mothers who catch their children in a lie feel the same. It's never pleasant.

It was another sophomore, and he was a good student, to boot. When he came in to see me. I laid the evidence in front of him. He looked at it then said, "I did it, Ma'am."

I said, "Talk to me."

He said, "Well, I procrastinated. Then, well...I wanted to get caught and kicked out."

I let this settle for a minute, then I said, "Why do you want out of the Academy?"

"The military isn't for me."

"OK. Why would you want to be kicked out?"

"Because I don't have the balls to quit." His exact words.

"Why didn't you just leave?"

"I didn't want to be a quitter."

I let that hang in the air for a second, then I said, "And this is better?" He shrugged.

He's a very intelligent young man...and very sensitive. I let him sit for a minute. He was struggling to control himself. He finally looked at me and said, "I'm sorry I lied to you, Ma'am."

I nodded. Then I said, "Are you planning to go to college somewhere else?" He shrugged and looked--not disinterested, but uncomfortable with the question. I had been planning to ask him to consider how his choice may deliver a blow to his academic record, but I didn't. I advised him that I'd open an honor investigation. He nodded. Then I dismissed him.

The whole thing lasted less than five minutes. I walked over to a colleague's office, in a daze. I began telling him about the incident when another fact about this cadet came back to me. I excused myself immediately--midsentence, I think--went back to my office and called the cadet's AOC (Air Officer Commanding). The cadet had had a mysterious admission to a hospital downtown midsemester; when he'd returned, he'd told me he'd been depressed and was now on anti-depressants.

Now, I've never been on anti-depressants, but I know a few things about them. First, you rarely hit the right drug and the right dose immediately; it's something of a trial and error deal, at best. Second, I don't imagine anyone is admitted to the hospital "for depression." Something had happened. I sent emails and made phone calls until I reached one of the AOCs from his squadron. It was the Associate AOC--a Technical Sergeant. The man said he'd pass the information to the AOC himself as soon as he got back from the staff meeting, but they'd been watching the cadet in question since he'd made a "gesture" midsemester, and thanked me for calling immediately.

Oh heavens. The good news is, I have golden instincts....and the bad news is, I have golden instincts.

The cadet came to take his final today. He was the first out of the classroom. He asked to speak with me. He said, "Obviously, I didn't take the final. There's no point. I've already failed the class anyway, by Academy policy."

I said, "No. You failed the paper, and it hurt your grade, but you haven't failed the class. I urge you to go back and take the test so you can salvage your grade."

He said, "I don't deserve to pass."

I said, "With all due respect, I'm the one who decides that. I never thought I'd say this to a cadet who had plagiarized a paper, but you can still pass my course and you should try."

He said, "Thank you, but I've had enough mercy."

I said, "This isn't mercy."

"Thank you, Ma'am, but I've already made up my mind."

"OK. How are you with your other courses?"

"I'm fine."

"OK. By the way...what do you mean, you've 'already had enough mercy'?"

"Well...I...stole Vicadin and Percocet from other cadets. It's a federal offense. My AOCs knew about it. No one did anything."

"Are you OK?"

"Mentally, emotionally, psychologically? Yes. I am. I'm fine."

We began walking back. I said then, "Go to college somewhere. You're too smart to be happy with anything less." He nodded. I added, "The military isn't right for everyone. There's no shame in leaving it." He stopped and shook my hand, said Thank You.

***

I've been thinking about the crazy things people do to escape the Academy. I'd been told they'd do this, but I guess I didn't believe it. It just makes no sense. But then, it's situations like this that coined the "can't see the forest for the trees" cliche.

He wrote a confession instead of taking his final. In it, he said, "People don't seem to understand that it's easier to stay here than it is to leave." I've been thinking about that. I understand the cadet wing exerts a great deal of peer pressure. However, the cadets aren't safe with us, either; we exert pressure in the form of encouragement. Thus, those cadets who really want to leave and just be a civilian in a normal college feel they'll be ostracized by their peers if they try to quit, and that they will let us down. Depending upon the sensitivity of the student, the implied pressure to please the faculty may even be stronger than peer pressure within the cadet wing.

This leaves the faculty in a bit of a Catch 22.

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