And Life Skills.
Americans are a bit funny about alcohol. They have all sorts of crazy ideas about what it means if you drink...a bit like they make certain crazy assumptions if they ever see you smoke a cigarette. Clearly, if you're ever spotted smoking a cigarette, you're "a smoker." Ever notice this? Why is it assumed, if someone sees you smoke a single cigarette, that you have a problem? A habit? Where do we get these nutty ideas? Have we bought into the idea that cigarettes are so horribly habit-forming and irresistible that no one can just occasionally smoke one or more and not have a habit or a problem? It certainly seems that way.
Anyway. I was on about alcohol, wasn't I? The fruit of the vine, one might say. Americans* have somewhat...uh...Puritan ideas concerning alcohol. In all fairness, though, that isn't a fair metaphor, as Puritans drank. Heartily. But many Americans are against alcohol at all anywhere drank by anyone for any reason in the same way Puritans were against, uh, witches. And like the Puritans, they have all sorts of crazy superstitions about it, and those superstitions are as substantiated as their proofs that various women were actually in league with Satan.
* In general, I mean. Obviously, there are people out there who have done their own research and reached their own conclusions. If you are one of them, I submit to you that you are un-American. ;)
I enjoy my wine. I also love beer, a fine, refreshing beverage of Egyptian origin, IIRC. Generally, though, wine is my preferred sipping beverage (perhaps because beer gets warm and flat, and thus brings an tacit but understood deadline). Poetically, you might say I'm a winebibber*.
* Like Jesus. Only I don't really drink enough to say I'm a bibber, which suggests drunkenness to me.
When I was younger, I overindulged, as most young folk do (particularly those who've been sheltered from alcohol, I've noticed). I learned over time that this was not the thing for me. I simply don't enjoy myself when I'm drunk. Besides...my stomach simply doesn't have what it takes to deal with liquor. This is all just fine with me.
But. I love wine. Not just any wine. Dry red wine, just this side of merlot, which I've never quite developed a taste for. But I'm quite wild about cabernet sauvignon, shiraz, valpolicello, and (mmmmm) chianti. Or any delicious mix of the above (known as "house red," usually).
Wine is a thing of comfort and happiness to me, like coffee or ice cream might be to another person. It's far more comforting when I'm sharing it with another person, I might add, particularly if there's a puzzle, game or engaging conversation involved. Some of my fondest memories involve a bottle of red and a late night lazy conversation.
I drink a glass or two a night, if I have time and no good reason to abstain. I often don't drink (due to time constraints), and that's fine, too. I can live without it, but I prefer not to, in the same sense that, given the choice, I'll sleep on a mattress instead of the floor. It's a luxury I indulge. (One of the only luxuries I indulge, I might add. My financial adviser recently told me I live so far below my income that he urged me to raise my standard of living, if that gives you any indication.)
You're probably asking yourself why I feel obliged to pontificate on this. I probably sound...defensive. Well...yes. I am. I'm annoyed. Here's why.
I went in for my "annual" PHA today. That's "Preventative Health Assessment." It's supposed to occur in the month of my birth, but obviously, they weren't keeping up or something, because my birthday is in July. They missed me last year, on account of I was so busy getting anthrax and smallpox and stuff, I guess.
The PHA consists of a series of yes/no questions that are posed to the military member. Theoretically, they are to be answered as truthfully as possible. Judging from various conversations I've had over the years, this is rarely so. Most pointedly, word on the street is that you don't ever tell them you drink more than one alcoholic beverage a day. I just found out why.
This time, you see, I decided I'd answer precisely what they asked and not what they clearly meant. I was curious how they'd react and what questions they'd ask, if any.
There were three questions in particular I answered "yes." (There were others, but not having anything to do with mental/emotional health.)
1. Do you feel stressed?
2. Have you, in the last several months, felt depressed, panicky, helpless or anxious?
3. Do you drink more than one alcoholic beverage a day?
The Senior Airman in charge of my PHA didn't ask me about why I felt stressed. He just confirmed that I'd circled "yes" on that question. On question 2, he asked which feelings applied. I told him "depressed" and sometimes "anxious." He asked how many drinks I had a day. I told him one or two glasses of wine.
He left for a while, then came back and shut the door. He was visibly uncomfortable. He fidgeted with his pencil and said, "Ma'am, because of your feelings of depression and because you drink more than one alcoholic beverage a day, we* feel you should consider a visit to Life Skills**. At the very least, you'd have someone to talk to."
* Him and the mouse in his pocket.
** aka, Mental Health.
He looked at me for a minute, then said, "Have you thought about suicide?"
I said, "Well, no. That hadn't occurred to me. Now that you mention it, though, that might be a good idea...."
OK. I just said No. For some reason, I think the humor of my imagined response would have been lost on him. And I have read recently that the military has had an increased problem with suicides lately (No! Really?), so everyone's erring on the side of caution. I can't blame him for asking.
I thanked him for the suggestion, then left.
The thing that bothers me is this: which of these screams to you "potential problem," and why? 1. Drinks more than one alcoholic beverage a night*. 2. Recurring depression and anxiety. Which of those do you feel would be most fruitful to ask further questions about? Does "yes, I'm stressed" count for nothing?
* But not every night. But he didn't ask.
He didn't ask how frequently I'm depressed or anxious, or how I dealt with it. He didn't ask me anything about that. He was concerned only with how much I drink.
Here's more food for thought: if I were a teetotaler admitting depression and anxiety episodes, would he have referred me? (The last time I had this PHA (1.5 years ago), I marked yes on "depression/anxiety" but no on the "alcohol" question and got no referral--just a suggestion that I consider taking anti-depressants. So it would seem it was the admission of alcohol intake that tipped the scales.)
On that note, cheers, mate. If you drink, do it responsibly. Pick up the tab.
d
