Failure to apply ORM*

* Operational Risk Management.

This is an FBC program the AF has been requiring us to adhere to for years. They have this silly idea that all accidents could be avoided if the dolts who had them would just pay attention or take appropriate precautions. The program is focused on the higher concepts of surveying the problem, listing foreseeable risks, determining if the outcome is worth those risks, and mitigating those risks as much as necessary. It's programs like these that have basic trainees (like, at boot camp at Lackland) mowing the lawn wearing goggles, huge ill-fitting leather gloves, and steel toe covers that fit over the combat boots. They didn't foresee, I guess, that the toe clunkers would make the recruit trip on an otherwise pristine and risk-free lawn. Not that I did, but the risk, you see, was there.*

* That was 19 years ago, but it wouldn't surprise me if they still did such extreme things to keep recruits "safe."

As another example, I got chewed mightily when I was going through OTS because I (gasp) was caught ironing wearing flipflops. It's absolutely a miracle, I tell you, that I managed to survive my whole life without dropping an iron on my unprotected foot and maiming myself. This is the stuff of ORM.

So I had an ORM-free moment in the kitchen yesterday and lopped off the tip of my left thumb. I won't repeat here some of the things that were coming out of my mouth, because I know for a fact that my grandmother reads this regularly and suspect many of you read this aloud to your children at bedtime.

I had only begun to chop, too. I held the thumb under running water,* hoping my face wouldn't freeze in its currently contorted expression. I may have screamed. I really don't remember. It's all a blur of throbbing pain.

* This was nothing like the time I dropped a battery on my middle digit so it went squish, just like grape. That's a different story.

And that's how I got out of chopping the onions.

You want my recipe? Here it is:

Find a pound of dried black-eyed peas in the cabinet and wonder what you can do with them. Place them in a large pot with over a gallon of water, toss in about a tablespoon of salt, and leave it sitting overnight.

Wake up the next morning, look at the potful of swollen peas, and again wonder what interesting things you can do with them. Open the cabinets and remove anything that looks remotely interesting. Here's what I added:

Three yellow onions, chopped
One small chunk of thumb
A couple of tablespoons of minced garlic
Just enough minced jalapenos--then double it
Several strips of chopped salt pork

Cook it for a while. Taste the broth. Kinda bland, isn't it?

Add two large cans of diced tomatoes (just dump the whole thing in)
Two or three tablespoons of granulated beef boullion
A couple of tablespoons of parsley (dried is fine)
A "slug" of virgin olive oil

(NOTE: All "tablespoon" measurements are guesstimates. I don't measure. I just put stuff in randomly, until I think there's enough.)

Turn it down and let it bubble for an hour or so, or until you're too hungry to wait anymore. Serve up.

This is tasty stuff. It would probably be better with cornbread, but I didn't have that much energy. Also...considering the amount of water I put in it, I probably could have doubled the amount of peas I put in and been just fine. Just in case you want to try it.

The chunk of thumb is optional. The jalapenos aren't.

This entry was posted by diana and filed under home.

16 comments

Comment from: Hinermad

Diana,

What kind of wine goes with black-eyed peas?

Dave

11/15/05 @ 07:10

Comment from:

That depends on how many jalapenos you add, Dave. If you toss in as many as I do, a good red zin or pinot noir will hit the spot. If you go light, you could get by with a light shiraz.

Thinking of making it for Thanksgiving? :D

11/15/05 @ 07:48

Comment from: Hinermad

Diana,

I must confess that I’ve never been a fan of black-eyed peas. But I have a bag of navy beans in the cupboard that would no doubt benefit from your suggestions. (I think I’ll go light on the thumb, though.)

Have you ever tried habaneros (aka Scotch bonnet peppers)? They’re hotter than jalapenos but still have a great flavor. One of my former co-workers plants them in his garden. In late summer he’d come in to work carrying a few grocery bags with peppers, onions, tomatoes, and other produce from his garden along with several bags of tortilla chips. At lunchtime he’d dig out a blender and make salsa for the department.

Dave

11/15/05 @ 10:05

Comment from:

Hi, Dave.

Seems like I have tried habaneros. They just aren’t readily accessible where I am (or maybe they are, and I don’t know where to look). The homemade salsa sounds mouthwatering.

The concoction would probably be outstanding with navy beans, come to think of it. If you have some chunks of sausage, you could probably crumble that in with some chili flavor, too, and you’d more or less have homemade chili.

11/15/05 @ 12:20

Comment from: Hinermad

Diana,

Chili sounds really good right now, especially with that cornbread you mentioned.

We can find habaneros in the produce section of our supermarket fairly frequently. They’re about an inch and a half long, almost round, and range in color from pale yellow-green to red. The link I’ve entered should point to a picture.

Used properly they add a nice flavor, and used excessively they’ll rip your tongue out and beat you with it.

Dave

11/15/05 @ 13:41

Comment from:

Oooh. Now I simply MUST try them. I do love food that bites me back.

They look familiar. I think I see them regularly, but just didn’t know what I was looking at.

11/16/05 @ 20:41

Comment from: Kat

If you decide to use habaneros in anything, just be sure to use gloves before cutting them up. I failed to do that once and my hands burned so badly that first night that I could not sleep. Even placing them in ice water didn’t help much. Before the burn actually began (I didn’t feel anything for about 5-10 minutes) I had touched my face and neck as well. While neither burned as much as my hands, it was still very painful. I’ve never had that sort of problem with jalepenos or any of the other peppers I’ve used.

11/17/05 @ 13:35

Comment from:

Holy cow. That sounds like chemical warfare!

11/17/05 @ 15:27

Comment from: Hinermad

Diana,

Kat’s right - avoid contamination, especially if you have sensitive skin. Washing hands with soap and water immediately after handling even uncut peppers is a good idea. Using gloves is an even better idea, especially if you wear contact lenses. (You think you got all the oil off your hands? Are you willing to bet your eyesight on it?)

By the time you feel the burn on your skin it’s too late for soap and water. Apply rubbing alcohol and rub it in gently to dissolve the oil, then rinse and follow with a skin lotion. Yogurt will even work in a pinch.

Actually it’s a precursor to a chemical weapon - they call it “pepper spray” for a reason. But, believe it or not, I have some joint & muscle pain cream that uses the same stuff. (Near as I can tell it just takes your mind off the discomfort by making your skin hurt worse.)

Dave

11/17/05 @ 16:24

Comment from: Harry Burkett

FYI on relative “heat index” of different peppers, etc. Google “Scoville scale".
http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/index.asp?id=49118

11/20/05 @ 20:17

Comment from: Harry Burkett

So how big a chunk are we talking? Does it actualy make a difference in the recipe and can we substitute some other type of meat instead? I try not to make a habit of removing body parts for recipes.

11/20/05 @ 20:22

Comment from: Hinermad

Harry,

I suspect pork is a passable substitute for human meat. Pigs are used a good deal in medical research because their biochemistry is similar to ours.

Dave

11/20/05 @ 20:32

Comment from:

Good tip, Dave.

I’ll try that next time.

11/20/05 @ 21:28

Comment from: Hinermad

Diana,

How’s the thumb doing? Did you miss any work from it?

Dave

11/21/05 @ 09:18

Comment from:

No missed work. It wasn’t that bad. It was a small chunk. Just a slice, really…enough to flatten the tip, bleed like mad and produce more than its share of pain.

Not even enough of a chunk to flavor the peas properly, if you must know.

11/21/05 @ 21:50

Comment from: Pa

Dave is right on the contacts. I tried that once , and it wasn’t pleasant. Seems to be the thing here to sign with a simple

12/01/05 @ 19:50

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Failure to apply ORM*

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