d

Isn’t that how the FLDS does it? I’ve heard mixed reviews on how well that works. (grin)

The people in a relationship need to write their own manual. It’s the “um, we never thought of that” situations that make constant revision necessary. You get a LOT of those when you have kids.

Dave

If it helps any, Aunt Bann, a balance of power doesn’t mean a balance of chores, in my experience. Chore division depends entirely upon the dynamic of the relationship. In our case, most of the outside chores are mine. Laundry and dishes and if she can convince me, cleaning the litterboxes tend to be mine, as well. But Mich does the stuff I don’t like and sometimes don’t even notice. She cleans the bathrooms and floors (ew) and stays on top of the budget and waters plants and cleans the fireplace and…all sorts of stuff I don’t notice needs done. Of course, she does almost all of it while I’m in Izmir–in some cases, to be completely fair, more than I’d do if I were there.*

* Our lawn, if I may be so bold as to call it such, needn’t be mowed at all, or regularly, and I sometimes choose (lazily) to let it just grow. She mows it more frequently than I do.

Anyway…my point is that household task division isn’t a heterosexual/homosexual or even a generational thing (although that influences it), but a relationship thing.

But it would be SO COOL if we could just point to a rule book and say, “Marriage Manual Volume 5, chapter 6 says YOU have to clean the dog yak off the carpet.” Unless the rule book were being used against us, of course.

d

Bree, perhaps that is sometimes the source of the discomfort, but not always. In some cases, the person in question is aware of my domestic arrangement in advance, but the discomfort is still palpable.

“Partner” is a term we picked up several years ago when we went to Wales for a friend’s wedding. Apparently, the term is ubiquitous in the UK; even Phil’s father–a picture-perfect grandpa type if ever I saw one–introduced Phil’s mother to us as his “partner.” Phil’s and Leigh’s relatives (Welsh and Irish respectively) also used the term more than not. It seems to be catching on in the States, but slower.

I particularly like it because it implies a balance of power, an agreement to share responsibilities, without the cultural baggage that comes with “spouse” or “wife” or “husband.” It denotes a mature relationship, and a committed one, in a respectful way. At least, this is what it denotes to me.

d

Or maybe I’m just proving my own backwardness. Has “partner” become a widespread, casual term for domestic arrangements, such that others think of that before business?

Coincidence? This cartoon just went up today:

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2441#comic

I wonder if the cartoonist reads your blog.

Dave