I find crying amazingly cathartic, but I sometimes have to resort to artificial means to evoke it, which makes the catharsis feel rather fake, if you know what I mean. Most things don’t upset my balance enough to provoke crying. Whether this is fortunate or not is dependent upon circumstance (?).

Thanks, too, on saying I have balls. I like to think I can do that occasionally. In this case, I think I’m just angry at the world for blaming US for being depressed. They don’t understand, so it’s just a figment of our imagination. Fuck that. I know it isn’t a figment of mine and I know it isn’t something one can just will oneself out of.

I’m thinking of returning to a therapist. Not sure I want or need it at this point. The Prozac certainly seems to be working. Yeah…I admit I just don’t really like the idea of telling a stranger about what might be upsetting me in the hopes of getting over it. They’ll tell me my feelings are valid. I know this already.

But coping skills? Maybe that will be helpful.

I will say that I found just being around Jeff to be an anti-depressant.* I shudder to think what I may have done had he not been there when I deployed. I can’t really describe how he makes you feel better, but he does. Positive energy? Dunno. (BTW….I had no faith in antidepressants, and didn’t really believe in depression, per se, although I know now, looking back, that was deeply mired in it). When you meet him, you’ll understand what I mean.

* This advert has been sponsored by NO ONE. I did not consult Jeff nor take any currency for it. He really is that awesome. Really. Just for his approach to life, he is my hero.

All the best,

d

Reading what you wrote in this note, I felt something hard to describe, something that I think resembles empathy. I’ve never had depression, I’m sure of that, but whenever I’m sad, I use a lot of the same mechanisms: drinking to numb myself, exercising till I can’t feel my legs, so the pain goes elsewhere. Crying hysterically helped a few times too, but lately I don’t feel better afterward. I’ve felt things that were a big deal to me become completely insignificant and unimportant. I’ve had reactions that are out of proportion to what triggers them. I could go on, but you’ve described it better than I could. Again, I know it’s only a tiny part of what you are probably going through.
Therapy, however, was a different experience for me when I did it. It didn’t involve much of ‘picking at old sores’. Instead, it involved looking at my present and my future, and how to turn a shitty present into a future that was desirable to me. I found that finding the right person is essential, and that sometimes you have to give it a little time. I’m actually thinking about going back to it for a bit…
I hope you recover as soon as possible, so you can keep writing things that feed our brains.
Also, congratulations. It takes balls to admit that one needs help.

Mila.-

What she said. Thank you for taking on the uniform, and all that goes with it.

Dave

Depression? I can’t begin to relate to that, because as far as I know for sure, I’ve never been depressed for more than possibly a few hours at any one time. I have been around people who were depressed, and they were entirely different then than when they weren’t.

As for your deployment, it seems that you will miss at least three more reunions before you can think about coming back and joining us. We will miss you, of course, but I, for one, are very proud of you. Keep up the good work!

And thank you, my dearly beloved niece, for standing in the gap for all of us! I salute you!!!

As someone who has been dealing with depression throughout different times I am just writing to say that it really is a trial and error. Or at least it was for me. Celexa worked for me but from what my Doctor has said it may not work next time when depression hits.

Does change of scenery help or at least a change of focus? I believe it does in getting outside of the nasty skin of shame we can envelope ourselves in. Lately, I have been begun to wonder if depression is starting to come back for me and I know a change in job is necessary which I won’t bother going into. I’m glad to hear that you have a change approaching that may help tremendously. On the drinking, I also have been there on and off, as have many I know.

On the voting, not sure I have anything much more constructive to add then what’s been said, I’m afraid!

Linda

I rather prefer informality–I’ve gotten spoiled in school–but I recognize that I must return to formality when I’m back in uniform, so I may as well get used to it.

d

Congratulations, Major!

(We now return to our regularly scheduled informality.)

Dave