I’m probably completely off base, and I AM happy that you came to an understanding eventually. Just goes to show that some people are not sincere when they accept the possiblity of one of their friends coming to stay overnight!

Love you!

I almost came to tears reading your problems, and mulled over it for several days. I have,, unfortunately, had to face things of that nature. In my home, and as I remember growing up, if someone was in our home, they could help themselves. You may remember that Mike G. sometimes walked in the front door, and went to the refrigerator before even saying ‘Hi". No problem to us. He ate 3 meals a day at our house for several weeks, and that was fine too, except we were running out of money and groceries feeding him that much. We had to ask him to help, if he was going to eat 3 meals a day. He quit for a while, then came back or several meals a week. Ayear or two ago, at a gospel meeting he was preaching, he introduced us as his ’surragate parents.’ I never knew he felt that way about us, but we (Mother, Noel, and I) sang at his wedding. It was an honor.

There is mmore to tell along this line, involving other people, and responses I did not expect, and had never been led to expect, over the course of over 40 years of very close friendship and love. It happens to us all. Glad to see Dave and Lorraine have helped. Thanks to both of you. D

“There ain’t no good guy, there ain’t no bad guy, there’s only you and me and we just disagree.”

Dave

d

That’s why I’m sorry. You are too.

Dave

She’s really an awesome person.

d

In a few rare cases it’s possible to demonstrate you’re not lying through your actions. But it’s a long shot, and it presumes you’d have opportunities to do so.

I’m sorry both of you had to learn this about each other.

Dave

She just wrote to tell me Dave was right (fwiw). The encounter was not enough to end our friendship, but this–writing what happened in an open forum–was. In her opinion, I have presented an incorrect, incredibly biased, one-sided and unfair account of what happened.

I forgot a couple of details when I wrote it (which she reminded me of). I acknowledge that her memory of what I said that night or since and what happened, exactly, differs from mine. (There is a reason eyewitness testimony is so unreliable.)

Anyone who reads this, please know that in every case, I did my best to be fair to her and to understand her point of view. I failed. I told the truth as I remembered it and I included all the relevant details I could remember. Despite this, I forgot some things she feels are relevant. I apologize publicly here and now to her for any unfairness or misrepresentation. They were unintentional.

I understand now that, even when I was deeply emotional and distracted all day after I was asked to leave, I was expected to tell no one why I was upset or why I am now staying in Broomfield. In her words, “People have disagreements; gracious and diplomatic people with decorum work it out between themselves.”

In her view (to tip the bias in her favor a bit here), my thought that we would go to dinner is an excuse and is ridiculous due to her schedule. If that’s what I really had planned, then it was presumptuous of me. (I’d planned to treat her to dinner, actually; it seemed a small enough gesture, considering the sacrifice she was making for me, but that’s neither here nor there.)

In her view, I’ve shown a lack of integrity by not simply admitting that I did expect her to feed me, too, and I was lying about my lifelong misunderstanding about “room and board” (!). I’m too smart to misunderstand such a common phrase.

I’m ingracious, my behavior atrocious. I have shown no sensitivity to her point of view.

That about sums it up, I think. If I have failed to understand anything here, it certainly wasn’t for lack of effort. (Oh and, Lorraine was also on the money: she would never think of helping herself to anyone’s home without being expressly invited to do so. Until this experience, this was a foreign concept to me among friends.)

She probably thinks this is a lie, as well. How do you convince someone you aren’t lying? You don’t. :(

d